We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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