I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
