he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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