My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize