is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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