is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
