apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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