I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
