Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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