He felt like a one man threesome
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
