Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
