sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
