I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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