There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
