i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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