all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
