Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
