There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
