You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
