Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
