I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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