I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
