I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just threw up on my dentist
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
