She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the raccoons are back...
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