So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
