Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
