Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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