YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
