After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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