Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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