His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
