i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
