I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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