I heard we made out
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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