The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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