I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
