dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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