Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
