yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
