Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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