i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
