I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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