I wish my penis had an off switch
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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