She is in my trunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize