We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Randomize
