I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
