Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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