The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
wow bdsm is so cute
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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