A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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