I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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