Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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