If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
