I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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