I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
