Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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