do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
