I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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