I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I could fuck to npr.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
