you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
