dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
