is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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