y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
