Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
