Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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