I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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