You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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