I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
