Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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