You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
