spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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