Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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