don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
