Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
