brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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