...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
