hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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