i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
