well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
