my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
