What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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