someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
