ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
