Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
how does that bad decision feel?
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