I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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