No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
