State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
