I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Did you just see the Batmobile???
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
