i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
