Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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