last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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