guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize