My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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