Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
