she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A bitchslap is in order.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
