i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
