it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
