I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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