Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
