I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
