So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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