at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
