listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
