If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
