How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
