So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
