i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
